I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
