I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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