dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
