Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Two words: blizzard sex
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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