Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
