do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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