i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
