He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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