i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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