I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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