went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
