Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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