I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We left the knife in your bed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
