things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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