$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
