I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
