this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
