a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
