She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
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