this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
