Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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