No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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