K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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