Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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