not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
