woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
