apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize