She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Your dad touched me again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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