literally had 100 drinks last night.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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