I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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