I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Your dad touched me again.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
