Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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