I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
