I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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