when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
