Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
