ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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