He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize