And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
