I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it's like heaven, but drunker
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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