man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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