My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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