so explain again why im purple
no
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize