I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
