I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
