we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize