doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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