he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
