Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize