I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
