there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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