i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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