Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
