4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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