well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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