hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
