bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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