Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
