Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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