drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
