Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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