just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
