she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
