im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
