I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am one with the molecules
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
