do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She said her name was "party"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
